Teach Me

Well hello! What do I pay an annual fee to maintain this website if I don’t update it?

It’s 2016 and if I lived long enough by October I would turn 24. Around end of December 2015 I was at a bookstore looking at a small Feng Shui section to look for my zodiac animal’s predictions and stuff for 2016 and I couldn’t find the monkey on the cover. As it turned out the monkey was on the bigger display…because the Chinese zodiac animal for 2016 would be the monkey.

That’s when I realised I was turning 24. Oh, crap. I used to look forward to this year, because you know, I love numbers and 24’s my number and all that. I vividly remember, at sixteen, I told a friend that 24’s the age a man would propose to me on with his private jet as a gift; not with a stupid ringed jewellery I don’t wear.

Last year my father told me I’d have to get married by 25. Which leaves me with one more year of singlehood. I said ok, but it comes at a cost: a fully-paid-by-cash Pink Beetle for me. I’m a really simple girl.

With me falling in love solely for the sake of writing, I don’t know if I’d ever be able to achieve on these. I’ve never dreamt of having children. I like babies and their pure breath and innocence, but I’ve never planned on having ones of my own.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve found myself in love with everybody and everything. I’m in love with my security guards. I have a deep sense of love and respect for the size-of-my-palm spider that crept in my bathroom; for I stood on his land. I love the mountains and the river for their songs and beauty. I love and thank the trash for having served its purpose. I love the maggots for reminding me of how dirty my household is; for giving me the chance to cleanse everything.

But I don’t believe that I need to find my soul partner. How do you know if you even have one? I believe in soulmates, but I do not hold on to the hope that I have someone for me. I feel this is totally my belief and I am entitled to that, the way I don’t believe in gods and that ghosts could walk through walls.

I’ve been single my whole life. So I am surprised people are still wondering why I’m single. I don’t know, man. Isn’t it obvious I’m destined for cathood? “Aren’t you so pretty!” “You’ve really never met someone? Unbelievable!” I have met people and I am aware I am so goddamn beautiful (that’s why I never have to take my #OOTDs, because I am too fabulous for validation from people) but maybe the answer is: I haven’t met The One Human Being Who I’m Supposed To Spend The Rest Of My Life With.

My first and hopefully not the last trip of the year was to Indonesia. There was an accident on the road to the airport and almost missed the baggage check-in but alhamdullilah we were in the nick of time. I wonder what happened that caused the accident, and if the victims were okay.

Somehow, I knew the roads of Indonesia fine enough that I could direct the taxi driver where to go a couple of times during the trip. It’s pleasantly surprising, and then I realised I’m the daughter of an ex-sea navigator so it shouldn’t be surprising I have his genes. Meh I’m so boring, it’s like I don’t have a personality of my own.

I’m bummed I only had a few days in Indonesia because there are so many people I didn’t get to sit down and talk with, but that’s what happens when you’re on a schedule and not alone.

Came home and got all the laundry done in a day. It’s a first. I’m not wasting time, but I took a nap in the afternoon. Insha Allah tomorrow I get back to my routine of buying fish for cats and run other errands because I don’t trust my mother on her own and then I’ll wonder when am I ever going to have time for my own work. My life would be better shaped if I learnt how to trust.

My love for people is wide, but it is a finite factor where trust is the stopper. I’ve tried letting go and let people do things on their own, but every time I do people do something wrong. Maybe I’ll learn how to trust when people learn how to do things right. It’s a mistake to not allow other people to face mistakes, but I’d rather make the mistake than have someone make the mistake without me. Get it? In other words, I am kinda selfish to want the learning process to myself.

Oh well. Pretense cluelessness has always been the best self-defense anyway.

A Part Of My Daily Life

At 6 am I would rise, drink plenty of water, wash myself up and start my day by praying the first of five obligatory prayer (solat), Subuh. After that I’m supposed to sit in Sufi meditation for twenty minutes, but being the bad, fidgety Sufi I am, I can’t even sit for a minute of its meditation the way I can read the Quran nonstop for an hour. It shows how weak my spirituality is, but any way I will sit on my prayer mat till 7 am.

Pak Cik Qin comfortable on my prayer mat
Pak Cik Qin comfortable on my prayer mat

7 am the sun would have risen for a few minutes, and I would rise to perform another solat in gratitude for its rising for another day (solat israq). I would immediately go downstairs where the cats would be having their breakfast (my brother’s job) and the first thing I would do is clean.

Things that need cleaning varies are typically:
1) The Porch (cat cage, cat dining, cat cloths, floor, etc)
2) The Living Room Floor (sweep, mop, sweep again)
3) The Floors Upstairs

And other miscellaneous stuff like when the cat’s toilet door is closed so he pees on the floor, threatened new cat spraying on the curtains, the car, etc. I like cleaning The Porch, my mother does the living room floors and prepares breakfast, and my brother cleans upstairs.

What the cat cage looks like after it's cleaned. After this I'll put up their hammock, curtains, cushions.
What the cat cage looks like after it’s cleaned. After this I’ll put up their hammock, curtains, cushions.

We sit down and have breakfast together after the morning chores at about 8 am. Normal families don’t have this luxury because they’re out to work, but we do because our father doesn’t want us to go out to work. He wants me to help my mother out, and I guess my filial piety outweighs my dreams in life. When else would I be able to repay her bringing me up, anyway?

After breakfast (about ten-twenty minutes) we continue doing more chores; the wet laundry needs to be aired, the dishes would need to be washed, perhaps the cat toilet needs to be cleaned, oh no the cat walked in with muddy paws time to mop again.

The general rule is: Nobody is allowed to sit down and do nothing while another person is doing housework. We’ll have to find something to do, and there will always be something to do (like scrubbing the sink). We have four bedrooms, three bathrooms, two kitchens, two small living areas. Our house is not big, but there will always be something to do.

New stray kitten comes in and lounges, messing the cushions.
New stray kitten (name: Anak Rizka) comes in and lounges, messing the cushions.

At about 9 – 9.30 am I would go upstairs to bathe, and then solat dhuha, which we believe is a prayer to invite sustenance to come into our lives. I then start work on my computer. It depends what I’ll have to do that day. I have several projects in hand currently, which would be easier to do if we had fibre optics (Unifi) internet installed. We don’t because our area is new, thus the systems have not been activated, says the telecom company.

This time I won’t be able to do work for long anyway. Sometimes my mother would call for me to help her in the kitchen, time to cook lunch. After being distracted from my initial point of work, I’ll usually return without understanding anything I was trying to do and I’ll try to read a book or write random posts like this to help me get back in focus.

Yammy, my mother's cat sleeping in the office. She was the one whose body two dogs tried to rip apart in May 2014.
Yammy, my mother’s cat sleeping in the office. She was the one whose body two dogs tried to rip apart in May 2014.

It’s 1 pm I would see that it’s time to pray the second of five obligatory solat, Zuhur. And after Zuhur my eyelids would get heavy and being at home, I would allow myself to sleep. It depends how long I sleep, my body knows how much it needs or how tired I am, ha ha.

I would wake up and find myself able to continue with my work.

Sometimes when it looks like it’s about to rain we’ll have to bring in the laundry.

View outside my house. Just washed my mother's car. Or is it mine. Must be mine, since the one who had driven it most is me.
Love the view outside my house. Just washed my mother’s car. Or is it mine. Must be mine, since the one who has driven it most is me. Also drying egg shells in the blue bowl. Mom asked me to blend them into a powder then, keeps insects away. No idea where she got it from.

It would then be 4.30 pm, time to pray the third obligatory solat, Asar. I’d pray and then continue with more work, until 5-6 pm where I’d go down to hang out with both my parents.

6 pm I’ll watch tv while I have dinner and clean the kitchen for the night.

Cats eat at 6.15 pm.

Momot likes to sleep on top of the small fridge, where cat food is kept. We buy sardines and boil them for our cats. Momot is the only cat that eats dry cat food.
Momot likes to sleep on top of the small fridge, where cat food is kept. We buy sardines and boil them for our cats. Momot is the only cat that eats dry cat food.

7 pm I go upstairs to pray in congregation our fourth obligatory solat, Maghrib. We extend our prayers with our Sufi practices until about 7.45 pm where I’d either continue with my work on the computer, complete the nightly cleaning chores or read the Quran.

8 pm we pray in congregation again for our final obligatory solat of the day, Ishak. With our Sufi practices we end at 9 pm, where after that I’d either continue with my Quran reading, or go downstairs to check on the cats, or if I’m just lazy I’ll go back to my room to read or do work or do nothing.

If I’m not doing work, I’ll be in bed by 10 pm.

If I’m doing work, I might get absorbed and realise it’s already 11 pm, oops time to go to sleep. I usually try not to do work after Ishak, but sometimes when the passion or urgency calls, I do it.

My brother's cat Tarik. She likes to be alone, just like my brother.
My brother’s cat Tarik. She likes to be alone, just like my brother.

Twice a week I’d go with my mother to the grocery stores (yes, many places) to get fish for the cats. I don’t trust my mother to drive on her own. These visits typically take 6 hours in total, say from 11 am – 5 pm, like that. I don’t have friends I meet every day, but I hone my socialisation skillz by talking to random strangers at the grocery store about fish and vegetables. It’s random but it works, I guess?

Mak Busu Shilala. She's Qin's (first pic) youngest sister.
Mak Busu Shilala. She’s Qin’s (first pic) youngest sister.

Once a week I’d go to my aunt’s place to use her internet. I’d download everything I need for the week. videos I want to watch, tutorials I want to understand. I take care of her cats too. Sometimes in between I’ll have to send her cats to the vet, and that takes up time and energy as well.

Once a month for the past two years I’ve been going to a facial for relaxation purposes. I think I bloody deserve it. But it’s kinda expensive for me now, because I haven’t had a proper paying project (I tend to do things for free?) since the demise of 24/7 internet in my life.

People tell me I won’t be able to find a husband with my current way of life, but I’ve had two informal marriage proposals (it has to be informal for it to be formal) which I said no. I’m still young, but at the same time I’m alarmingly aging. I am concerned, but I’m not THAT concerned. I believe love will find its way if it’s meant to be, anyway 😉

My new cat, Carpet. Found him outside. Shaved and neutered him; nobody claimed him after five days and vet says he's flea-ridden. Because of old habit he tries to mate me every night, so I can't sleep with him the way I could with my other cats. Also he has an infection on his skin, which caused me to have a fungal infection on mine too. First time in my life getting an infection from cats, lol.
My new camera-shy Persian cat, Carpet. Found him outside. Shaved and neutered him; nobody claimed him after five days and vet says he’s flea-ridden. About four years old. Because of old habit he tries to mate me every night, so I can’t sleep with him the way I could with my other cats. Also he has an infection on his skin, which caused me to have a fungal infection on mine too. First time in my life getting an infection from cats, lol.

People wonder if I ever get bored, but I don’t. Simply put: I find joy in the littlest things that it’s not easy for me to get bored. My brother watches movies on his computer and shares new music with my sister in Indonesia, but not me I guess.

I used to have Candy Crush Saga and Soda but I’ve deleted them when I found that I’ve turned into an addict. I used to have families in The Sims 4 but my brother deleted them. I’m fine now. I was angry at him for deleting my families, but I’m fine now. I’ve completed Dragon Age (not Inquisition YET), Outlast, played a bit of Assassins Creed, and other random things but I don’t need them to make me happy.

I think I was given this kind of life because:

I can handle mundane and unexcitement without it killing it me.

Unless it already has and I’m dead without knowing?


(I’m too busy to vet this piece of writing thanks for your patience ya good bye)

Reasons You Should NOT Travel Solo

Is travelling solo for girls a trend now or what? Everywhere I see articles about how liberating it is for girls to travel solo. How us girls should traaaaaaaveeel blah blah blah.

I’ve done it the first thing I completed my secondary school five years ago and continuously do it every year since. Guess I’m a trendsetter, then?


I don’t take lots of pictures and don’t document it to the world because I’m not good at that. I prefer to live in the moment, absorb every detail to later write about it than have short captions that failed to perfectly capture the moment. I also prefer focusing on feelings of people – something you can’t exactly get on pictures and rushed-through captions.

So while my travels have not been extensively around the world (not Europe and the Middle East) but I think it’s enough for me to write why I don’t think girls (or guys) should travel solo, or in groups, all that:

1) It’s bloody dangerous

Most of us girls without any self-defense background will be like flicking a pebble to men who try to do anything to us. We don’t know who may find us attractive. We don’t know who may come across. We can’t tell a rapist by his face. We don’t know a bapak ayam from his sweet talks. When you’re alone every guy is a potential bad guy. We’d think pepper spray might help but think about it – could you even think when you’re panicking?

Chances are, the answer is no.

2) You can’t even talk to strangers in your own country

When you travel alone you’ll have to be comfortable with talking to locals. And of course these locals are strangers. I don’t think you’d be okay with talking to strangers of another country if you can’t even talk to strangers in your own country.

First you should practice having eye contact with the strangers around you on the train, smiling at them (instead of always being on your phone), people you have at least a sense of connection with (being in the same country), before you could say hello to a total stranger overseas. That’s what I feel. Learn to make new friends beyond Tinder and OKCupid, offline, before you could dream of travelling solo.

3) You take things at surface value

I’m not even going to explain this because I don’t know how. I won’t recommend you to travel solo if you take things too literally. Sarcasm can be detected if you develop it. Try being friends (in your own country) with people who are unlike you, and then you can try making friends with people you don’t even know in another country.

4) You can’t read body language

This is an important skill not everybody possesses. It’s a skill, not a talent. Spend time with people you know, read their bodies. Observe. Read eyes. Practice this in your own country first before you go travelling on your own.

5) You will never get enough of it.

Travelling is addictive. After the first time, the desire of wanderlust will consume you and all you’d want to do is travel. You’d get tired of your life and look forward to the holidays where you can ~unwind~ and ~relax~ and ~escape~ from reality.

That’s where I feel you’re living life wrong. That you’d start believing that only travelling makes you truly happy, that people surrounding you is toxic for you. That you *need* to travel.

Part of what travelling alone gives is content and reliance on yourself. You’d stop relying on other people to make you feel happy. Through your experience of solo travelling, you should have learnt to be happy with yourself. Happiness starts from within, not through your travels.

Travelling  is healthy, culturally, emotionally, mentally. But there’s nothing spiritually engaging about travelling if you take nothing of it. If something inside yourself is only activated when you’re travelling, and it remains dormant back home: What’s the point? Such a waste of life being happy only when travelling. Your whole life would be wasted on your addiction to travel to activate the spark. Learn how to keep that spark in you everywhere, then you’ll find a whole new meaning to life.

Travelling alone or in groups is good, but it’s only great when you’ve learnt to be truly happy with yourself. If not you go back feeling sluggish and keep wishing you could go back to the beach. What’s the point, seriously?

You won’t even have to physically travel to find the joy that has always been in you.


Same goes with travelling with families. I understand that families get to spend time with each other but to do it as a bonding activity feels funny. A bond should have already existed because we’re FAMILY. Travelling is not wrong, what I feel is wrong is when we do it to be HAPPY. I repeat: We should already be happy without having a factor contributing to it. Travelling should not make us feel happy. We should already be happy before we do or don’t travel.

It’s the same as the Islamic pilgrimage, IMO. You’re only required to visit once when you could afford it. When you can afford to go more than once, it’s better to donate the money to somebody else who had not visited the Holy Site. Reasons such as “I miss that place” is invalid because Allah exists not only in Kaabah but also in Us. You can pray so many sunnah solats in Mecca but not at home? It makes no sense! People packed like sardines try to visit the Tomb of Muhammad (more than once) when it would have been more meaningful for us to live the way he led his life and have him live in us.

Your money is better off spent on someone in need. Your time is better off spent learning how to be content with yourself.

Reevaluate your intentions when you feel you need to travel, or do anything, to achieve happiness.

P.S I travel to seek the different experiences of people to write about, but I’m totally happy sitting at home and I’d write about cats or my family or strangers I meet. If you have to travel for an inspiration for art, do it. But if you travel for happiness you can’t find at home, seriously, reevaluate.

New Loved Skincare Stuff


It’s been a while since I wrote about my skincare products. Been using THEFACESHOP ones I bought last year and it’s been a couple of months since I’m out of them. I decided not to go re-purchase because even though they’re good, I think I’d want to look for cheaper options.

By the way, these are my second bottles.

So first I found this local (Malaysia), cruelty-free, organic and totally halal product from a company called Good Virtues Co.

It was on display outside of Watson’s and the beautiful packaging made me fall in love. Didn’t purchase it immediately. Kept in view for a while while I finished the rest of my products.

The ingredients are made of Black Seed, which is a seed mentioned in the Quran. When I was in America for Sufi School few years back my last class (Prophetic Medicine) was up in a hut on stilts in the forest and we were taught about this plant.

from the Sufi University website
from the Sufi University website; yes I went here!

The school was literally on a valley in Pope Valley (duh) and the classroom was somewhere behind the cabins you’d have to climb even more. It was cool.

from the Sufi University website; see that small little hut on the right, that was where the herbs lesson was
from the Sufi University website; see that small little hut on the right, that was where the herbs lesson was

Anyway I opened this plant, taught how to feel it with my heart etc etc Sufi stuff so I know the blessings and goodness that comes with this.

Catchphrase for this brand? Love, Peace, Joy.
My life goal which I adapted from Sufi School? Love, Peace, Mercy.


Now these are on my bathroom shelf!

Good Virtues Co. Bathroom

The first thing I tried was the shampoo and conditioner. It worked so well, my hair fall went from perhaps 10 in a finger-comb to none. I was so happy, I went on to purchase my second bottle.

Sadly, the second bottle didn’t go as well as the first. Finger-combing my hair brings back ten strands of hair in return. For about two weeks I used my mother’s ginseng shampoo and it strengthened my hair while I wait for a response from Good Virtues Co. I wrote to them about what I experienced using their product – I really was happy with their first bottle but what happened, right? It was a feedback. Like I’ve read at my brother’s barber shop somewhere: IF you’re happy with my business, tell others. If you’re not, tell me.

As an apology (I don’t think it’s their fault) they sent me an exact same shampoo, a feminine wash and a body wash. I haven’t used the new bottle of shampoo. But I think it’s not the shampoo that’s caused all these but it’s me. Maybe my body repels organic. I don’t know, but I’m going to keep using it.

Not too crazy about the feminine wash but I absolutely love the body wash: anti-bacterial and hydrating. Online they’re having a sale where the scrub, the huge bottle of shower and hand lotion is only RM38. Got them today, haven’t got the chance to try it yet. I’m not at home and at home there’s no internet. It’s like I live in the 1990s.

For good virtues (pun), cruelty-free, organic, local, very affordable, halal, and great customer service I recommend you to : BUY.

I showed you my bathroom shelf, now I’m showing you my dressing table! It’s almost empty because I’ve reduced my skincare from so so so many bottles to only four per day/night.

For now this lazy girl has ~improvised~ her daily skincare regime:

1) Wash face with Garden of Eden Milk Cleanser
2) Bubble face with a random foam face wash from THEFACESHOP
3) Tone skin with a random toner
4) ………….

My Dressing Table

….these! Garden of Eden serums! These are also my second set of bottles. Loving them so far. Good Virtues Co. have their own series of skincare too, but I haven’t read a review about it to be confident enough to put it on my face.

It’s lightweight oil and I have no problem with putting oil on my face. Understand the logic that like repels like so oil is able to remove the oil in my pores.

They seem to have really good reviews, are local and on one I saw on the milk cleanser bottle that it’s cruelty-free. The serums didn’t write this though. Hmm…

These days I find myself sold at things that say “pigmentation” and “anti-aging”. I look really old lol that I need things to make me look my age!!!

Garden of Eden

Here are my areas of concern:

face area of concern

1) The two sun spots/pigmentation/whatever it’s called
2) The lines under my eyes
3) The darkness under my eyes.

Anything you know that has worked super well?

aaaaaaaaand I’m done!


What about your past, I asked.
“It has passed, let it go past.”
I can’t let it sweep past, I blast.
You must! Be clean for us to last!
Aghast on Outlast, I adjust!
But you,
Glass, Mistrust!
I am unsurpassed.

Blame David?

It’s obvious I’m not popular and that I keep my circle small and close. For that, I don’t have many people talking to me online except for the 3 or 4 constant, everyday small talks.

However, since I became a guest teacher at an Indonesian school last year, now once a month for a few days I will be flooded with chats from my ex-students. The conversations are commonly “How are you doing?” and “When are you coming back to teach us?” I briefly taught at two schools, have exchanged my contacts with only one school and that’s the school that hasn’t invited me back. My students don’t understand this by telling me “But we want you to teach us!” and “You inspire me!”

It’s very flattering yet humbling at the same time. There I was, somebody who’s never thought of being a teacher being told by students that they love me. Flattering as in a ball of doubt that you try to swallow “ha ha ha r u sure” and humbling can be described with one word: Oh.

If you’ve read Matilda by Roald Dahl, my all time favourite children’s book I actually feel more connected to Miss Trunchbull than I did to Miss Honey or Matilda. She was somebody the evil side of me aspired to be.

Anyway we’ve strayed too far.

A student (let’s call him A) raised a rather unusual topic to me last week. He said, “Teach me how you remained single and never been in a relationship.”

Ding ding ding! Rang a random bell in my head. It’s something many people have raised but what this student did was different was how he said, “Teach me.”

Gee, thank you for asking. When I was a teacher there, it’s nothing funny that students wonder about the relationship status of their new teacher. Even the teachers wondered that.

I stayed in the school dormitory where some teachers lived too, and one day I went out with an old friend from school who sent me back to campus. It was a Sunday, and I expected nobody to have seen us but the next day in class a student (let’s call him F) asked me,

“Was the driver your boyfriend?”
“No,” I replied and added, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

His jaw dropped, and his surrounding classmates shifted their attention to me. Being in an Islamic school, it was a gender-separated class and this was the senior boys’ class.

“You don’t have a boyfriend?”
“I don’t!”
“I don’t believe you! What about the guy on your desk?”
“Believe it or not I’ve never had a boyfriend. That picture on my desk is a picture of my favourite singer, David Archuleta.”

I don’t know if what my eyes saw were incorrect, but I saw that they started looking at me in a different light.

F, the student who asked me this question proceeded to write me an “essay” that told me about how his guess as to why I was single was because of David Archuleta. “How long are you going to stay like this, Miss Fifi? I want you to be happy.”

As if the rumour has spread, a male teacher approached me to ask, “When do you plan to get married?” I looked at him, surprised.

“I haven’t really thought about it,” I said.
“Do you at least have a target age?”
“I don’t.”

It was a very interesting (though dull) question because I’ve honestly never put a rubber door stopper on my age line as a mark that says You Better Get Married By This Age. As a result I’ve never really looked around for anybody.

And then I realized I am aging. It’s kind of alarming, aging. And not wanting to suit yourself with anybody who likes you simply because you don’t like them back. I know they say love takes work, but I don’t know yet; never been really interested to find out.

It’s personal to broadcast what I replied to A, but I believe he left the conversation feeling determined and motivated to keep himself away from relationships. He told me his plan was to study and get a job first. Good plan, I guess. I’m glad that somebody has seen my way of life sensible to apply to his life too.

To F, I think you’re right. Maybe he’s the reason why I’m single.


As you may or may not know, I’m currently writing a fictional story about a girl with an illness she does not know about. She spirals in darkness when alone, but sometimes realises that the only way to see the light is to draw her curtains. Right now I’m just getting the skeleton of my story done while thinking about whether I should be bothered with the tiny details like what kind of Turkey I put on the plate and what wood my furniture is made up of (I can’t be bothered, but should I be?).

A friend told me that my writing is not for me, it’s for other people therefore I should add as many details as possible. This “revelation” has made my usually breezy writing process difficult because now I’m finding myself looking all the little details like what’s printed on the shirt (though it reveals one’s character) but we’ll see whether I care enough later.

I thought of the word “eccentric” and wanted to look into what it really means, who are the eccentrics? I quote from Wikipedia, “the eccentric’s habits are incomprehensible not because they are illogical or the result of madness, but because they stem from a mind so original that it cannot be conformed to societal norms.”

That same friend has told me that I was weird but “not in the face”. Literally everyone who knows me beyond my face would use similar adjectives to describe me. Crazy, weird, funny, I hear them all the time. They’d tell me that I need a boyfriend or a husband to cope with my odd behaviour which I now want to associate with eccentricity.

Eccentricity is perhaps a form of mental illness, but mental illness makes the person suffer. I do not find myself suffering. I’ve met many individuals, out of the need to be different from others, exaggerate that made up “weirdness”. They’d deliberately listen to songs of metals clanking singing with their raw throat voice because it’s not “mainstream” and have perhaps stolen the sunglasses from their grandfather because it’s “hip fashion”. Their hair is green because it’s a form of expression (of being related to Nessy?) and butt cheeks can be seen from their super short shorts because they “love” their body.

These are made up examples of people I made up in my head who try to express themselves differently from people. They don’t want to associate themselves with the norm so they try hard to be different. Nothing wrong with that, but there’s nothing eccentric to that.

And then I found this (I do love Wikipedia yes I know you can edit them self-editable it’s still reliable to me), and found that ALL of the bullet points related to me:

Characteristics (of Eccentricity):

Psychologist David Weeks mentions people with a mental illness “suffer” from their behavior while eccentrics are quite happy. He even states eccentrics areless prone to mental illness than everyone else.

According to Weeks’ study, there are fifteen distinctive characteristics that differentiate a healthy eccentric person from a regular person or someone who has a mental illness (although some may not always apply). The first five are found in most people regarded as eccentric:

  • Nonconforming
    – I am a law abiding citizen when it comes to the safety of others or things that could made me thrown into jail. I don’t speed and I don’t riot but I am nonconforming.
  • Creative
  • Strongly motivated by curiosity
  • Idealistic: wants to make the world a better place and the people in it happier
    – In my blog I have written many self-made up theories on how the world would spin harmoniously if …….
  • Happily obsessed with one or more hobbies (usually five or six)
    – The word is obsessed. A couple of people have pointed out how I don’t know the scale 5. My scale is either 0 or 10. Hot or Cold. et cetera. They find it baffling. It’s weird. Why would you?
  • Aware from early childhood that they are different
    – I’ve always known that’s why being “different” has never bothered me. My sister has started wearing a hat to school and her friends asked her, “Aren’t you afraid?” I asked, of what? They say “of being different.” Huh? We’re not attention seekers. We are not afraid of being odd. We just don’t want sun meeting our face.
  • Intelligent
  • Opinionated and outspoken, convinced that they are right and that the rest of the world is out of step
  • Noncompetitive, not in need of reassurance or reinforcement from society
    – Recently someone tried to give me a harsh method of pep talk to “motivate” or “inspire” me. If only people had understood that different people are made up of different emotional and mental substances, they’d be smarter in their ways of approaching people. Me, for example, I am unmoved when people say I should make more money. I honestly do not feel the need to return the “debt” I owe to my parents for bringing me up (hello, parental responsibilities?). When I’m motivated, I do it without anybody telling me to. When I’m competitive, I go all out. When I’m not, I’m just not. Relax. (of course I know I’m supposed to support my parents lolz it’s common sense)
  • Unusual in his eating habits and living arrangements
    – Not going to mention my eating habits and sleeping arrangements because even this concurs that I fit in the eccentric characteristic.
  • Not particularly interested in the opinions or company of other people, except in order to persuade them to his – the correct – point of view
  • Possessed of a mischievous sense of humor
  • Single
    – Guess it’s going to be forever then.
  • Usually the eldest or an only child
  • Bad speller
    – This was the only thing out of the Eccentric list. I am an excellent speller.

Oh, the last point is not me: guess I’m not as eccentric as I thought I am…..

Wait I am dyslexic just not in the spelling department.

So, do you think you are this list?


all these heartbreaking work
has been giving my skin a workout
pus in skin, you smirk
disgusting breakouts.
so I’ll focus on something happy:
you and I under that tree.