It’s been two weeks into Ramadan and I’m just plain bummed that I have not been able to enjoy its privileges for about a week.
Also, my siblings have gone to boarding Sufi School somewhere which means their chores gets handed over to me.
Which I admit is not at all stressful, just kind of tired and lonely lol. Okay fine maybe lonely at first because I really was all alone (I chose not to send them off to care for the cats at home) and then the loneliness became sorta a bliss.
Note: I’ve NEVER felt lonely in my entire life. I’ve watched people walk away from me, I’ve had people leaving me, and I eat and do things alone a lot. Even though I was alone and left alone, the “lonely” feeling never managed to pierce through my shiny dragon armour. This, however, was different. I felt lonely for the first two days so I kept myself really really super busy, and by the third day I was able to dust my hands and put them akimbo, standing on top of a pile of garbage called negative feelings.
Which means if Salamahafifi can do it, nobody should let the lonely feeling guide them through their emotions and reactions.
However, if I’m ignored, I will leave. I will not spend more time brooding over why I’m being ignored and I will just leave. Understand that people may have been brought up in an environment where ignoring people is an “okay” thing. Maybe I came from Planet Pathetic Pluto that I just cannot fit in.
But still, never mind. Really, move on with yourself. If people can’t deal with you, at least you can!
Despite all these, I am, still, upset with my face.
I am sad and ashamed of my face, and I find myself uploading it more often. I understand now, that girls upload a lot of selfies because they are insecure and needed to feel the security behind the filters and likes.
But then again, why should I be ashamed of my face?
But then again, why shouldn’t I be crying over these acne on my face?
It is only with falling that I can climb back up.
I dreamt I walked into a spa, and it was a big spa, and booked an appointment at 10 AM. I tweeted about it. Someone replied to ask me if my face felt dewy and moist when I woke up. It hit me that I was tired and I needed a break. I was in the shower and first thing I did after I walked out of the bathroom was to call the facial place to book their earliest slot. 11 AM. #yes
The trainee beautician did my face and she was a bit rougher than my normal beautician (who is the branch manager). My face now hurts when touched and it is swollen. It will get better insha Allah.
I have what are called Coloured Bumps. I went for extraction (popping!) to get them out and yes they hurt!!!!!!! They can’t be seen face-to-face but it is disgusting under the sunlight. I can see it, therefore it disgusts me.
I’ve been told to use at least a Toner (I don’t use anything AT ALL since these stupid breakouts) so I’m trying to get back into the routine of only using this Herbal Care Lotion by Dr Schrammek they recommended. The Branch Manager is also trying to sell me some Moisture Intense Ampoule (because my skin according to everybody including my beautician is DRY) but it’s like RM300. Would anyone like to sponsor me a box of ampoules for my dry skin? ha ha ha.
BTW, I’ve stopped using all The Body Shop skincare products.
Take care and till next time.