Juz Amma


This is so far the best thing that’s happened to me since I turned 22 last Friday: I have been given the permission and license by my teacher to teach the Juz Amma.

Juz Amma is 1/30 of the whole of Quran, and it’s the shortest series of chapters in the Quran. It contains the chapters 78-114, and alhamdullilah I have learnt its rules and pronunciation and have been given the trust and amanah (responsibility) to pass my knowledge of the Juz Amma to children and Quran beginners.

In the ancient times, there’s no such thing as a “license” in purely Juz Amma only. In order to attain a license of teaching the Quran one needs to know the whole Quran by heart. However, to encourage the spreading of Quran reading, scholars have agreed that this would be all right.

Not just anybody can teach the Quran. A student, before becoming a teacher, needs to have the proper education from a teacher whose lineage can be traced back to Rasullulah (saw). It’d be dangerous if a person decides he knows the Quran enough to teach it, but unknowingly is spreading his wrong pronunciations down a generation.

Insha Allah I pray for my mind to be free of distractions, free of worries, free of anything and I would very much like to know the whole Quran by heart. If not now, in the future insha Allah.

Do keep me in your prayers.

Sup Tulang // No!

I turn 22 tomorrow.

A part of me feels a bit bummed I have not achieved anything tangible yet. I think that’s the problem: I focus on the results yet the process seems a bit blurry. Maybe I have done many things this year. Maybe not. :/

Not in a very sentimental mood so I don’t feel like elaborating.

I just want some sup tulang.


you are great, you are wonderful, you’ve been living quite comfortably, you are tired but it’s all worth it, you are a millionaire in Rupiah, you are now not as affected as you were about your skin, you meet great people, you have opportunities you never thought you’d be offered, you are loved, you are free, you’re a better driver now, you’re a good role model, you give excellent tips, eventhough you’re not always right, your Quran teacher says you’re faster than most students, you’re leaving your mom, you’re leaving Pippi, but it’s okay it’s only for a while! I love you Fifi.

Where am I going? I’ll talk about it later maybe.

The other day someone asked me on a scale of 1-10 how “damaged” do I think I am. It’s because he wants to know if he attracts damaged people. Weirdest. Question. Ever?

I don’t think I’m damaged. At all. I may seem a bit loony (eccentric?) but I am hardly dented. Maybe I’ve been kicked but the kick’s not strong enough to damage me. Sometimes I think of how painful the kick feels but it’s just a thought. Not a dent. No damages.

Recently an old lady I met this year asked me where have I gone to school in my life. I think she expected normal, straight-to-the-point answers Primary School X, Secondary School X, Somewhere Else X. She was honestly surprised when I mentioned the list of schools I’ve been to, “Oh so you are someone with a lot of experience!”

I just smile. She thinks I’m new. She thinks I’ve been brought up with a silver spoon; comfortable my whole life.

Nope. I’ve had a fair share of everything.

My armour may be a bit dusty but it’s 0 on the 1-10 Damaged Scale.

Accepting My Feminity

I know it doesn’t seem like it, considering how girly I am now, but there was a period of my childhood where I hated being a girl.

I hated how “being a girl” came with so many restrictions. I even refused to acknowledge the fact that I was a girl (even as a kid I was weird) but that didn’t mean that I thought I was a boy either.

My favourite colour was BLUE and I didn’t want to have anything to do with pink because it was girly. Gradually as I phased through my tweens my favourite colour it turned to PURPLE because it seemed like a neutral colour and in my teens BOLD, STRIKING PINK and now as I’m maturing (just by the increasing number) it’s now a subtle combination of Striking Pink hidden with Brown.

It’s interesting to me how my favourite colours change as I change. It was during my teenage years that I wanted everything I owned to be striking pink. That was the time I finally accepted that I was made a girl and those were the times I declared myself a feminist. When I decided that if a man could do it why couldn’t I? I went through thoughts about wanting to be the Best Woman This, the Best Woman that because I believe I was a woman and I could do anything a man can.

And then I started hating the fact again that I was a woman. All other girls had the thought of marriage etc. That was when my hatred for men sparked. I thought, “Why do I have to marry?!” “What if I wanted my child without a husband!” (as in IVF). Which is obviously a wrong mindset because I’m supposed to be a good Muslim, but take note these were during my teenager times and she wasn’t a good Muslim. #rebelliousyears

I hated the fact that all the other girls were so girly meant that I had to be girly too. I felt that I was a girl but I didn’t need to be girly yet I’m not a boy either to be a tomboy. I hated the fact that I had to allow a man into my life to ensure my generation goes on (science duh Silly Fifi).

No idea why I chose to wrap myself with these confusing thoughts.

After a while (still in secondary school thoughts) I realised that the problem is with society. My ambition about wanting to be The Best Woman This and The Best Woman That felt outdated and irrelevant because women have proven to be able to do anything a man could. The problem that lies with this is that these women also want to be a mother. They want to nurse a baby in their arms while climbing up the ladder.

Achievable, but slow and difficult. For faster results “achieve my dreams” you toss the baby aside (to a daycare) and having the child rocking in the arms of a stranger affects his upbringing which will affect his life. That’s the problem with society: they lack genuine motherly love, care attention and touch; and I knew that that’s what I was going to change.

I wanted to be a full-time mother, raising, feeding and educating her own kids. To me there was nothing more honourable and noble than being a full-time mother.

At 14 or 15 or 16 – I don’t remember, there was a qt in my Higher Malay class but I don’t remember if he was there or not; the teacher asked what we wanted to be when we grow up. With this new revelation at hand, I proudly announced that I was going to be a housewife. To which this educated and career-minded woman replied “Be a bit more ambitious.”

Seeing how self-absorbed and full of myself I can be sometimes, that didn’t bring me down because to me I knew my purpose. I just felt that she didn’t understand. To me I am Salamahafifi, I want to be a housewife and that is my ambition!

Fast forward to today I realised that many girls my age actually want to get married and be stay-home moms. But what holds them back is: Fear and Guilt

1) Fear of having not enough money to feed the little mouths
2) Guilt to parents for having worked hard to send them to school yet they end up in the kitchen.

My parents are neither safe nor conventional so I’m never told about how if I don’t work I’m going to starve or how the world has changed: women should start working too. They’re not traditional either. We are just people with faith, but that’s another story.

Many girls want to be housewives and dream about building their own little empires but they can’t because of these two factors! That’s so sad!

You know me I will always try to find solutions to problems.


Let’s say your social standing is just like you and me, normal lame people (I’m not talking about the poor ok, and not sorry if you don’t categorise yourself as normal lame).

A husband’s salary is usually enough to support the whole family.
But you, the wife and mother, feel the need to work to support because “it’s not enough”.

Why is it not enough:
Because you’re not living up to your own affordability.

New 3D curved tv on credit.
Prada on credit.
LV on credit.
Luxury car on credit.

That’s why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand it can be a bit frustrating with many show-offs on Instagram but their LV and whatever expensive names handbags are also probably on credit too. I’m not a hater but it’s possible their perfect lives are only on posing and hidden with filter.

Unfollow them. Unhealthy. It’s another story if you can afford it of course.

“But it’s my life, I choose to lead my life like this.”

Mothers, I know it’s your life but it’s also your child’s too. A child showered with real love will not feel hungry for replacement love eg. latest video games. A mother’s touch in every stage of a child is important. So is her presence and availability to a child. Compromise that for work to afford your expensive living and you will affect your whole child’s life.


Personally, my mother has never worked. We’re never given expensive toys to replace her attention because we got the real thing. As a result you don’t see me going crazy over tangible objects (my skincare obsession is for health ok) like the iPhone. We don’t need an iPhone when we got our mom whenever we needed her. We don’t need latest games because we’re happy playing by ourselves knowing our mother is there.

You can afford being a full-time mother, don’t worry.


A few months ago a family friend we haven’t met for a while was so happy to see us and excitedly asked me: “Have you started working?” We know her, and it will seal the deal and in her eyes I would have been seen as a successful person if I said yes. My mom said no, because that’s the truth.

The glitter in her eyes stopped sparkling and she said “Oh.”

My mom told me about this and asked me “What’s wrong with you not working?”

Hmm good question mom.

Does my worth to people go down low when I say I’m not working? I may not be employed to a certain organisation that ties my butt down to a chair for eight hours, but of course I’m working.

I can cook without having to Instagram every single dish that I make.
I know how to hold a mop without first posting a picture of me with it.
I have the eye to notice a spot uncleaned.
I know how to bathe cats.
I was the one who handled the family inheritance matters even when I’m not a lawyer.
I am trusted to make solo trips to a foreign country even when I’m supposed to be uneducated.
I am street smart.
I am able to love fully, because I know.
I am kind and nice sometimes too.

But of course, all these don’t matter because I’m not bringing $5000 home.

That’s screwed up. That’s not recognising and appreciating a human being. People are just recognising what they do in the sidelines. To society there’s no worth in somebody who doesn’t bring home money. All that matters are grades and money. It doesn’t matter if you’re kind, lovely, thoughtful…etc.

Screwed up thinking.

A good life is important.

A good life can be led even without the materialistic goodness.

A good life starts at home.

If you’re a parent, please remember that and respect and support your daughter’s decision to be a stay-home mom. Nothing is more noble than raising, educating and feeding her own children. She is ensuring goodness by instilling values that can only be taught from home into your generation.


Another thing is with guys. Guys chase after girls who seem passionate about their “work” and who are “ambitious” while girls like me who seem to do nothing are “boring”.

You don’t know that when you’re working you look forward to coming home to me because you know I’ll be there happy and fresh, not “still in the office” or “tired.”

You don’t know that when you’re working you will never be out of underwear or socks, and all your clothes would have been ironed crisp because it’s my job.

You don’t know that our kids are happy because I am always there for them, not because you can afford to buy them the latest gadgets.

Please don’t tell me about the case with single parents. Irrelevant to my content.


Back to me accepting my feminity. I remember that I used to have an obsession with climbing.

When I was 5 I climbed the grills to see what’s up.

When I was 8 I tied a skipping rope from my bedroom window and went down to try to climb it.

When I was 9 and back in Singapore I thought I could climb the HDB walls because Spiderman could.

When I was 12 I went rock climbing and loved it.

Time lapse.

A woman’s body started taking over me. And it starts being inappropriate for a Muslimah to do any of these.

Just kidding, a Muslimah if properly attired can do whatever she wants.

The day before yesterday I imagined myself as Altair from Assassin’s Creed and climbed onto a wall to join Pippi who was birdwatching.

My climb is not a competitive, corporate ladder climb.

I can climb anything I want wherever I want at any pace I want.

Because I am a human being.


Last year when I wrote my The Body Shop Wishlist I magically got most of the ones I needed on the wishlist. Okay fine it wasn’t magic I bought them all myself. I was given a few full-sized products from The Body Shop too but those weren’t part of the Wishlist.

However, I must admit that I bought them all because of the colour PINK (I’m stupid like that, you may judge me) and because I assumed that my skin was not sensitive and that it was “normal”. All the products unfortunately gone to waste because my skin rejects them!

Thankfully after expert advice and deriving my own conclusions, I found the stuff that is suitable for my skin currently. THEFACESHOP really has good quality stuff. This 21 year old skin oh so youthful and so chok-chok. “Chok-chok” is the term used by S Koreans to describe a texture of the face. The kind that is bouncy, light, moisturised yet not sticky I guess.

But no my 21 year old skin is feels old with sunspots already. Kinda regret allowing myself to soak up the Sun. I found out what my fear is these days: growing and looking old. I turn 22 in 14 days. Scary stuff.

I’m a member at THEFACESHOP Malaysia and I was told I can’t claim my 20% membership birthday discount because I haven’t been a member for a year? She said I have to wait for a year before I could enjoy its privileges. Never heard of such nonsense, but okay. I signed up because I was told I could get the discount. Their products is of great quality, never mind their sometimes funny sales assistants.

Anyway here are the things that I THINK I NEED from THEFACESHOP:

Some of them were taken from the Korean site, some of them were from the Malaysian site. Their international website is sooooooo outdated, I wish they updated it.

As you can see, as usual, this skincare-obsessed lists down skincare things, with other just -a-teeny-bit-enhanced stuff like lip tint. Ah, if only all three countries (Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia) stocked the same things at the same price I wouldn’t have to keep comparing prices (I am a cheapskate yes I save whenever I can I’d sleep on the airport bench if it’ll save me thirty bucks)!

Now I’ll have to figure out how to get these things.

THEFACESHOP Singapore is having a Groupon voucher, $28 for $40 and $38 for $60. I have about a thousand times resisted myself from buying it and…….oh yesssssss it’s gone so I can stop thinking about it: http://www.groupon.sg/deals/singapore/thefaceshop/719064973

Bye and Happy Friday!

Daiso’s Face Washing Brush

I’m a sucker for these words:

No Animal Ingredients
Cruelty Free
Doesn’t Clog Pores

So just about naturally I couldn’t put this curious object down when I was out shopping earlier today:

daiso facial cleansing brush

Now while reading this form a mental image of me (wow thanks for thinking of me now) with a brown skirt, orange top, pink shoes and beige tudung in the middle of the laundry basket aisle, with my blue purse chuck under my arm, two fingers trying to balance my smartphone typing, the trolley basket handle securely locked in another arm. Okay sorry you couldn’t picture it cos I’m super bad at describing anything. Yes that was me googling this thing but I couldn’t find any. Like I know the word to describe Singapore’s air is HUMID but I prefer to use “The air is wet” lolz fail.

So I’ve used this thing twice now. At first I thought it’s nothing significant, but now I caress my own face (nobody else is allowed to do that filthy hands) and it’s suuuuuuuuuuupppppppppeeeeeeerrrrrrr softtttttttt. I’m so happy I’m me I get to touch my own soft and smooth face.

If you’re like me figuring out if you should buy this silicone face washing brush at Daiso: BUY IT.


I exfoliate every other day with an exfoliate scrub, but thanks to this I’m going to do this daily. Hope it doesn’t break me out?

BTW, The Face Shop Malaysia is having a RM99.90 sale for a 1) Raspberry Roots Sleeping Mask, 2) Chia Seed Toner Lotion 3) Some face mask. I’m going craaayyyyyyzeeeeeeee because last week I just purchased something similar but I want that toner!!!!!!! and more sleeping masks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Please just get me The Face Shop vouchers they’ll make me happy wow crying.

Updated Skincare Routine

To be honest I felt that my The Body Shop Haul in October last year was a waste of money because instead of seeing improvements to my then-already-okay skin it actually got worse. Top it off with the Moisture White Shiso 2 in 1 stuff that I received. I love the company and what they’re doing, I did love the products when I used them on my then-okay- skin but I believe they’re the ones that caused my skin to breakout.

Related Posts:

  1. The Body Shop Haul (11.2)
  2. BFF: Subclinical Acne (7.2)
  3. Amazing Loneliness Confession and Exclusive Popped Face (6.6)
  4. Pimples Zomg (5.2)

It took me about twelve months to stabilise my skin back, with trips to a facial and stopping the usage of The Body Shop products. A couple times I wanted to test if it really was a reaction to The Body Shop products – when my skin has sorta stabilised I’d wear TBS stuff again andddddddd getttttttttt breakouts allllllllll over again. Which means I am not just pinpointing, it really is TBS products I may be allergic to.

I stopped blogging about my skin because I was really depressed over it. I had perfect skin until this year. Or is it being the whole 21-year-old thing?

Never mind, thank goodness through trial-and-error I have developed my own skincare routine. My skin doesn’t look nearly as “perfect” as it did before, but I think it’s OK/getting better.

Also I stopped wearing makeup. Okay maybe I still use a bit of powder from TBS and a bit of their lipstick – that’s not considered makeup is it?

Before I start, I apologise for my bad photography skills.

For the Face Wash, with the exception of Katalyst Water and Organi Cleanser & Toner,  I only use them at night because: What’s The Point?  

I’ve been using the face washes for about a few weeks/months therefore I can come up with these good/bad conclusions.

Let’s go:

1) Mist face with Katalyst Water.

Katalyst Water Colloidal Silver

What Is Katalyst Water: It’s Colloidal Silver.

Colloidal silver is found still in medicine today, especially in medications that are used to combat fungus in the body. It also has a very powerful potential when used to kill disease, viruses and other harmful bacteria. Specifically, many people claim that when they take colloidal silver, it helps to improve their immune system’s ability to fight against colds and flu viruses.

People often claim to use colloidal silver to soothe burns, repair skin and tissue damage, and to treat scars. Other skin issues that might be helped by colloidal silver include rashes, sties and acne.

I’ve been using this Katalyst Water since I was 11. An old friend confessed that she thought my skin had always been clear and little did I know it was because of Katalyst Water. Why did I stop using them and moved on to skincare? I thought my skin needed moisture, but bought the wrong products. Katalyst Water doesn’t moisturise your skin, it just engulfs and transports the bacteria to the dump. Price is RM50. For the spray mist you take about ten drops of Katalyst Water and dilute it with plain water. For the concentrated one you just take a drop and dab it wherever you want it.

2) Daily Light Face Wash: Organi Cleanser & Toner

Organi Cleanser and Toner

What it is: a Cleanser and Toner altogether!

My brother had two of these, and I thought they were cheap stuff because he left them lying on the bathroom floor with no cap. After seeing the sad condition of his face wash I told myself to not use this bottle. Anyway, I think this is his new bottle. It’s almost empty too. Sad he didn’t care for it enough and probably used the whole bottle unsparingly because I found out one bottle is SGD140.

How do I use it: After going out for a while but not ready for bedtime yet, I wash my face with this because it’s light. Just gets rid of the impurities while I do other work at home. I don’t like walking around the house or doing work with the dirt accumulated from outside.

Organi Cleanser & Toner is designed to gently cleanse your skin, washing away dirt and impurities whiles refining your skin and reducing pore size in preparation for moisturising. Organi Cleanser & Toner will not dry the skin, and it will leave your skin soft and supple without using any of the harsh chemicals you usually find in the supermarket brands.

3) Every Other Day Spot-Washing Face with Oxy Deep Cleansing Wash

Oxy Deep Cleansing Wash

What it is: Oxy Deep Cleansing Wash “Fights Pimples, Deep Clean Pores for ACNE PRONE SKIN”


2 Anti-Acne Ingredients
  • Salicylic Acid – Unclog pores and remove dead skin cell to prevent blemishes.
  • Isopropyl Methylphenol – Penetrate deep into pores to fight pimples.
Deep Cleanse
Effectively remove impurities, dirt and oil trapped in pores.
Help to soothe blemishes skin and prevent blemishes from flaring up.
With Vitamin C and E as effective anti-oxidant to keep skin healthy and free from blemishes.

How do I use it: I use it just on the areas that need help, like this:

BTW, I don’t find this facewash helpful at all LOL. I don’t even know why I use it actually.

4) Only When I Feel Really Icky Full Face Wash with Vaseline Men Face Antispot Whitening
Vaseline Men Face AntiSpot Whitening

What it is: A Face Wash for men! LOL. I like how squeaky-clean my face feels. It’s really really good. I recommend this to my sister who came back from Indonesia with lots of spots on her face. She hasn’t used it though because she didn’t know where it was at, lol.

5) Every Other Two Days Exfoliate My T-Zone with Nano White Polishing Renewal Exfoliator

NanoWhite Polishing Renewal Exfoliator

My god their website is outdated I can’t find any information.



I bought this as a trial set to try their sunscreen which my skin didn’t like. It’s fine with this Exfoliator.

6) Only When I’m Outside I Bring This Just In Case Nano White Awakening Snow Wash

I don’t really fancy all these “snowy” items because why would I want to be fair if I wasn’t born fair? Okay fine I was born fair but I don’t see what’s wrong with having tan skin. I got this in a trial pack, so instead of wasting it I use it as a light facial wash. Last Tuesday (23/9) I left the house at 5 AM to catch a plane at 8 AM and when I reached the place at about 2 PM I washed and dried my skin with this. Freeeeeeeshhhhhhhhh Faced Feeeeeefeeeeeeee.

7) Weekly Full-Faced Exfoliator with Himalaya Herbals Gentle Exfoliating Walnut Scrub
Gentle Exfoliating Walnut Scrub

What it is: An Exfoliator!

Himalaya’s Gentle Exfoliating Walnut Scrub exfoliates dead skin cells to remove impurities that routine cleansing cannot tackle.

It contains Crab Apple, a soothing antiseptic and keratolytic agent that helps loosen dead skin fragments. Walnut shell granules scrub away dirt, blackheads and dead cells, and Wheatgerm Oil is a rich source of natural vitamin E. These natural ingredients cleanse, nourish and moisturize your skin to make it soft, fresh and radiant.

How do I use it: On my face, leave it for one minute and then scrub my face. Loooooooove it.


With the face wash segment.

Wish I had listened to my brother earlier when he told me sarcastically that what I need is The Face Shop. Because it turns out their products are of wayyyyyy better quality and wayyyyyyyyyy cheaper. They’re also from Korea. I admire Korean skin – they must be doing something right!

Anyway after all that meticulous cleansing of face, I don’t want to waste my moolah so I use what I have that still works:

1) TONE with Dr Schrammek Herbal Care Lotion

Schrammek Herbal Care Lotion
What it is:

Selected herbal extracts and panthenol calm, refresh and hydrate the skin after cleansing. This lotion is excellently suited for very sensitive skin leaving it feeling soft. Free of parabens.

How do I use it: I alternate this with the Organi Cleanser & Toner. These stuff cost a bomb yknow.

2) Dab My Face Every Other Night and Morning With The Face Shop Arsainte Eco Therapy Serum With Essential

The Face Shop Arsainte Eco Therapy Serum

Another outdated website.

What it is: I don’t know what this is, okay. It was on sale so I bought it (lol).

*Contains baby bamboo extract instead of water
*Formula without 7 additives. A mild toner that contains baby bamboo water delivers pure moisture into the skin while double the amount of golden palm oil creates a moisture protection barrier for optimal balance for long lasting moisturized skin
*More than 94% natural derived ingredients
*Formula without 7 additives for sensitive skin
7 free formula: Paraben, ethanol, mineral oil, artificial pigment, raw animal ingredients, benzophenone, TEA
Contains 91.6% baby bamboo water

So far: So far, so good?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s my description. I figured I am allergic to paraben and silicone and stuff and this works! It gave me a slight breakout on my right side of cheek, but I figured that it was because of me not washing my face the whole day that day. I continued using and the naughty, persistent moist pimples are actually drying up now. I’m left with the scar which will leave over time.

I actually stepped into The Face Shop because I find Suzy’s commercial really really cute. I don’t particularly like her whatsoever I just find her super pretty and I like her face shape, lol.

They don’t have the product she was promoting in the video (it turns out to be the best moisturiser according to a blind test in Korea) because it’s more suited for their weather and not ours.

 3) Moisturise, moisturise, moisturise! with The Face Shop Chia Seed Watery Lotion

The Face Shop Chia Seed Lotion

I first described my skincare issues to the sales assistant in Malaysia and she recommended me this. I didn’t buy it because it was RM80 and I thought that was a bit too pricey, so I bought the serum (top) and sleeping mask (below) which were on sale at RM99.90 for both :D :D :D. I’m super glad I bought them.

Anyway I went to Singapore on Monday (29/9) and visited The Face Shop to find this stuff at only $22!!! I wanted to get a face wash and other stuff too, so tempted but I was like NO NO NO. Oh, forgot to mention that the sales assistant in Singapore greeted me with a very happy annyeonghaeseyo! and recommended me the same thing. Singapore has better customer service.

Like I said, I feel that my face is moisturised now. It’s in a heavy glass bottle which is not convenient but it does feel exclusive.

What it is:


  • A moisturizing lotion that improves suppleness and moisturizes the skin a degree higher with nutrients in organic chia seeds
  • A moisturizing lotion that restores the skin’s innate clear luster
  • Spreads onto the skin smoothly without stickiness and is absorbed quickly to prevent skin dryness.
  •  Soft suppleness both inside and outside the skin
  • Organically germinated chia seeds, which draw and absorb moisture, not only hydrate but also nourish the skin to effectively restore suppleness.
  • Contains 100% chia seeds water instead of water
  • Chia seeds water is extracted within 24 hours via the Fresh method, instead of water delivers the vitality of the highly pure chia seeds.

I became a member at The Face Shop Malaysia and I wish someone could give me moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyy because on my birthday month at one time members get discount on all items. I feel like I want their eye cream and other stuff too!

4) Go To Sleep Three Times A Week with The Face Shop Raspberry Roots Sleeping Mask

The Face Shop Raspberry Roots Sleeping Mask

Not going to say anything more about this except that I love it.

What it is:

  • Only a few easy steps “Apply, sleep and wash”, and you can instantly tighten pores and re-contour the skin that lack of resilience.
  • In gel texture form and yet it is not greasy
  • Must-have item for busy cosmopolitans

I wake up and face feels moisturised because duh it is. I wanted to get their eye pack but I think $8.90 for something to throw away is not worth it.

Conclusion: I have a new found love for The Face Shop, and now you find out how meticulous I am at face washing and you probably don’t care. My face FEELS better. My mom said she thinks my face is still the same, but that’s because she didn’t see that my pores are smaller now. I thought about it for a while now how if I was in Mean Girls, I’d be Regina George with her quote “My pores are huge.”

Also, since I don’t use sunscreen, I started using a hat.

It’s awkward and funny, but I think if people can walk around with a cap why can’t I walk with a hat, right?

Shield your face from the sun!

hijab hat

ya I know my face is funny


Sharing Some of Hakim’s Pictures

Last week I blogged about meeting an old friend for a photography project I had in mind. Sadly, then my idea was sketchy and I was probably facing some mental blockage that I really did not know what I wanted the pictures for. Now I do, I guess…….

Anyway I engaged my friend Hakim Ahmad to take the pictures and I was nervous partly because he’s a stationary photographer: he’s able to show a building’s character (yes I believe everything has a character/soul) through his photography but I had doubts about him with objects with real life that’s not a cat. He’s almost never taken pictures of humans and since the beginning of knowing him I’ve always told him he’s better at buildings and landscapes.

Maybe that means I’ve been a bad friend for not encouraging him to explore the ~unknown~ but hey I’m glad I asked him to help me out with my project. I don’t talk photography but I know it must be difficult to shoot in film 1984 vintage camera (he likes the challenge, I’m nervous about the surprise), outdoors and with an extremely unphotogenic model.

I sent him a link on how to  shoot unphotogenic people and it turns out he didn’t bother reading it either! Ah well!

About the pictures: Love how rusty and pretty the colours are. Looks like a blast from the past. Pictures were taken in Japanese and Chinese Garden in Singapore.

So here are SOME OF the pictures! I’m planning to keep the rest of them for my own work later this year. I’ll add my own thoughts on the pictures in the captions. Let me know what you think of them:


What is that awkward half smile? I feel like from a 1970s TV Show (I’ve never watched a 1970s show, I think had colour then?) . The colours are so beautifully subtle.

Salamahafifi Khatir

I should’ve put on eye makeup and lol @ my brother’s exercise injury. Love how we’re sharpened and the background are blending in harmony what the heck did I just write but that’s how it feels.


I should’ve smiled more? The contrast in the colours though; so much love.


I remember telling Hakim that I was feeling really really icky before we shot this. Singapore is HOT and HUMID and true enough that’s what I look like: icky. The colours, though, are so so so so so so so so so so so so so mesmerizing it kinda makes me wish I lived in this photograph.


Wow I think I need a jaw surgery but I like it’s kinda candid I think? Not much comment about the colours except for the brown in the bench it’s bistre so so pretty. I wish I was a colour. Oh right I am brown.

Do you see how much I’m gushing over the pretty colours. My favourite colours ARE Pink, Green and Brown. I think Hakim, myself (for wearing a pink tudung) and nature did a fantastic job at blending the colours in unison and showing a message of tranquility and peacefulness. I don’t like my face in any of them but the colours actually make up for them (ha ha did you get the unintended pun).

But hey, I’m actually happy I did this with NO MAKEUP at all. This whole #nomakeup thing represents where I am at this current stage of life: trying to be okay with just me.

Good luck.

I Am: Overcoming Self Issues

I used to subscribe to different people to read about their success stories and in a way it made me feel as if I was going to be one of them. One day I just decided to unsubscribe to everybody because I felt that I didn’t need their distractions in my email and it turns out I have totally forgotten about them.

In my email now I am overwhelmed by Groupon deals, Travel Packages, The Sims 4, Hotel Promotions: Stuff I cannot afford. These email marketers are as if trying to remind me of the things I could have if I did this and that. While deleting these unread emails I think about how materialistic these stuff are and they are reasons why I shouldn’t work for mountainous amounts of money.

Of course, I’m wrong. I shouldn’t have unsubscribed to anything because even though I barely skim through their emails, at least I kept at the back of my mind that I am working to be just like them. I’m wrong because I should make mountainous amounts of money because my ultimate worldly goal is actually an achievable one: to open a no-kill cat shelter (and get a selfie with Kim Jong Kook, and be fluent in Quran,…etc).

It’s easy to forget the things you really want to do.

“Mountainous amounts of money” is actually freedom, if carried right.

So I opened my work plan notebook which I chucked far far away and found this:

I am

My heart sank when I read this:

I am willing to promote myself and my values.
I act in spite of fear.
I am bigger than my problems.

Sadly, I have spent a lot of time doubting myself.

I have strong values, but I keep them with me.

Truth is, despite my strong outer personality, I am actually easily intimidated.

But I am bigger than my problems, and I will act in spite of fear. I am also willing to promote myself and my values.

Just this morning I was feeling sorry for myself over my self-esteem issues and how I’m a silent sufferer – the fact that I’m such a grand actress nobody knows I actually have pretty bad mental and emotional issues and how I am dealing with everything myself blah blah blah until I told myself to STOP.

Stop it, Fifi. Nobody’s going to care. I chose to have self-esteem issues. I chose to feel ugly. I chose to feel like a total loser. I chose to think that nobody liked me. Life is about choices. I can choose to feel whoever I want to be.

I choose to be brave, kind, intelligent, humourous, polite, quick-witted, proactive, helpful, nice, modest…..the list is non-exhaustive.

The other day shopping time I told myself to cheer up and be friendlier than I have been the past couple of months (yes I’ve been really gloomy and unfriendly). And hey, I was trying on some shoes and the store assistant genuinely laughed at the jokes I cracked. I know I’m good at spotting out a polite or a mockery laugh and this guy was laughing for reals.

It felt good to be able to turn around my down-ness into someone’s laugh. It’s something I used to always do.

Welcome back Fifi?


Can Man and Woman Be “Just Friends” ?

The answer to my question Can Man and Woman Be “Just Friends” is an obvious one: No.

I gave it a pretty long thought to come up with that one-word, two letters answer.

A couple years ago I thought about this and 15 year-old me answered “Of course they can! Why can’t we be just friends? I feel nothing for him! Nothing will happen!”

Now, thinking about it: nope nope nope nope nope.

What I think FRIENDS mean: mutual care for each other without feelings of romance or sexual desires.

Please don’t think I’m being braggy/draggy whatsoever, if you’re a girl I know you are going through what I went through and maybe agree with some points of this blog.

I preferred being “friends” with guys over girls. I just felt that I clicked better with guys than with girls. No girl sane enough would like to mix with my kind of weird and “humour”.

Let’s say you’re in a group of guys where you’re the only girl. You either give your “attention” to only one guy or give equal “attention” to all of them. Attention here refers to cheer up/good morning texts, motivation etc. We felt it’s okay because that’s who we are, we are friendly and we are also naive and stupid for thinking that friendship with guys can work that way without them falling for us.

Here, in Nouman Ali Khan’s mini lecture, he said girls are naive and that we don’t realise the “elaborate scheming of men” befriending the girls. This coming from a guy himself, so I trust he knows what he’s saying.

After watching this video thinking about what they said; though I may not have realised it then, I realise now that of all the guys I’ve befriended at least 80% have confessed to me that they’re somehow one way or another attracted to me.

I would laugh at how ridiculous it sounds, because I did nothing to attract anyone; I’m just being me. I’d ignore the confession and the next thing I knew we’d have grown apart. I didn’t really think anything about it because I thought I’m not the sort to brood over a friendship that didn’t work over distance…

But I was wrong. It’s not because of distance. It was the fact that he liked me, and I didn’t return the feelings so he just moved on to find another girl who eventually will.

Guys can be so funny sometimes huh?

Is that all they see in us? Love? Fulfillment? Bucket lists?!

Girls, please, please please for the sake of our fragile little hearts, please do not submit to anyone who wants you without marriage. Marriage seals the deal and anything before marriage he can do with anyone else. We’re only special when he wants to bring us home to meet his parents. AND WHEN WE CAN MAKE HIM KNEEL. Otherwise we’re just another one he shot and didn’t miss.

In Islam, there are no specifications saying that men and women are not allowed to socialise but

  1. the Prophet (saw) did not have female friends  (we’re supposed to follow things he did you see)
  2. he also advised us to STAY AWAY from Zina. He didn’t say DON’T DO ZINA. He said STAY AWAY. Which means if you stayed away you won’t do it duh.
  5. and my favourite of all, the hadith “Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them.”

Number one is obvious.

Number two means if you think your “friendship” can be jeopardized by one falling for the other or something, stay away. If you really do fall in love then meet her father, ask for a proposal. I do not believe in dating before marriage for Muslims. I believe there is great blessings with love after marriage. No you’re not allowed to get to know me. Unfortunately my package did not come with a right-click-click-settings-properties to read about my details free. It unlocks itself when marriage happens lol.

Lower your gaze – your eyes are windows through your souuuulll. A guy can fall in love with you by just looking at your eyes. Therefore lower it.

No touching means no handshaking, obviously and definitely no congratulatory hugs and let me fall if I were to fall.

“Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them” will be my personal experience:


I understand that us women are needy too. We want to be loved and we are way more capable at loving than being loved. When a guy likes us we naturally feel flattered and think “Hey, why not give him a chance?”

That’s why I said I laughed at how ridiculous it sounds. Because I see myself as generally unattractive and uninteresting, “Why would anyone like me?” and I know many girls feel the same about themselves (there’s just too many fake women out there that us natural people feel inferior sometimes). That’s where/when these wolves come in and we feel happy someone actually likes us.

Because men are stupid and Men Are All Like That, they will break our hearts. If they’re man enough they’d come back to restore it or else we’ll just end up hurting over this wound. Pity and salute the final guy who comes to take this broken heart.

The reasons why I’ve never been in a relationship is because:

1) It’s haram,
2) I don’t want my future husband to be hurting from his previous relationship therefore I have to keep myself away from any relationships so it’s fair,
3) This video:

First heard this song when I was 12 or 13. Back then I was so inspired by this (I still am actually), how it tells me that I shouldn’t feel needy and I can do anything without a man. This was my motivation song, man. It tells me girls should be strong and independent.

HOWEVER, I think we girls NEED guy friends who are “just friends” so that you don’t fall easily when another guy sweet talks you, so that you’ll know when to exit when you see his friendly gaze change, so that you know that you’re not being taken for a ride etc.

I don’t have any friends now, and I no longer talk to any guys especially not the ones I just met (haram!), except for this guy named Hakim who somehow sticks around on and off since secondary school. I don’t talk to him when he has a girlfriend. Reason being if I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t want him to secretly nor openly talk to another girl and possibly complain to her about me so I will not be that “other” girl either, even if we’re “just friends”.

If he has his girlfriend, he doesn’t need to talk to me right?

Yep, that’s it. Guys at any one time should only have one girl friend. It becomes a definite factor when the two words gets combined. (should underlined because it’s a suggestion)

Anyway, “just friends” or not, me and Hakim are still haram. Which means yes, the above mentioned rules are applied: lower your gaze, no touching and “Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them.”

The hadith is applied to texting and phone calls too, you know. A one-way conversation between you and another guy is considered an “alone time” therefore the third party is Satan. How do I halalify this? My family knows my phone pin and they are free to read or check my messages with anybody they want. Once I met this guy everyone was keen for me to meet, and I didn’t want to talk to him on the phone (haram haram haram) so we talked online. My parents read my entire conversation without me knowing and I was embarrassed for him because guys are like that; they act so nice in front of parents but when they think they’re alone talking to you they become flirty lol. So embarrassing for him.

Back to my guy friend Hakim: This shameless girl, trying to keep up with the Islamic laws, asked him if he liked me. He said nope. I knew it, but just had to confirm it. We both genuinely know we’re not each other’s types which is why I’m somewhat more comfortable talking to Hakim because I know he wouldn’t fall for me.

1) Lowering the gaze: All street-smart girls know what “looks” from the eyeballs attracts men, so I don’t give any of that to anybody unless I need something (lol don’t read my blog please).

2) No touching obviously.

3) Travel with a mahram whenever I’m going to meet another guy.

A mahram is someone you can’t marry, like your brother or father or grandfather or uncle idk who else …your cat (jk).


This is how it’s permissible for a guy and a girl to be friends in Islam, in my opinion.

Hakim the Photographer who has an eye for good angled pictures said “Look at this space in between us.”

Salamahafifi the Modern yet Quite Traditional Thinking Girl replied “It’s called the Haram Space.”

“Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them” – the third party is my brother. :)

Oh shucks did I break a non-disclosure contract?

When I hear myself

I heard myself say the things I never thought I’d say. Again.

I heard myself say the things I thought I’d never say again.

I heard myself say the things I never thought I’d say. Ever.

I heard myself say the things I never thought I’d ever say.

I was this close.

But I’d like to think of myself as strong.

I tell myself I’m strong.

But I don’t hear it.

Oh shut up.