Amazing Loneliness Confession and Exclusive Popped Face

It’s been two weeks into Ramadan and I’m just plain bummed that I have not been able to enjoy its privileges for about a week.

Also, my siblings have gone to boarding Sufi School somewhere which means their chores gets handed over to me.

Which I admit is not at all stressful, just kind of tired and lonely lol. Okay fine maybe lonely at first because I really was all alone (I chose not to send them off to care for the cats at home) and then the loneliness became sorta a bliss.

Note: I’ve NEVER felt lonely in my entire life. I’ve watched people walk away from me, I’ve had people leaving me, and I eat and do things alone a lot. Even though I was alone and left alone, the “lonely” feeling never managed to pierce through my shiny dragon armour. This, however, was different. I felt lonely for the first two days so I kept myself really really super busy, and by the third day I was able to dust my hands and put them akimbo, standing on top of a pile of garbage called negative feelings.

Which means if Salamahafifi can do it, nobody should let the lonely feeling guide them through their emotions and reactions.

However, if I’m ignored, I will leave. I will not spend more time brooding over why I’m being ignored and I will just leave. Understand that people may have been brought up in an environment where ignoring people is an “okay” thing. Maybe I came from Planet Pathetic Pluto that I just cannot fit in.

But still, never mind. Really, move on with yourself. If people can’t deal with you, at least you can!

Despite all these, I am, still, upset with my face.

I am sad and ashamed of my face, and I find myself uploading it more often. I understand now, that girls upload a lot of selfies because they are insecure and needed to feel the security behind the filters and likes.

But then again, why should I be ashamed of my face?

But then again, why shouldn’t I be crying over these acne on my face?

It is only with falling that I can climb back up.

I dreamt I walked into a spa, and it was a big spa, and booked an appointment at 10 AM. I tweeted about it. Someone replied to ask me if my face felt dewy and moist when I woke up. It hit me that I was tired and I needed a break. I was in the shower and first thing I did after I walked out of the bathroom was to call the facial place to book their earliest slot. 11 AM. #yes

The trainee beautician did my face and she was a bit rougher than my normal beautician (who is the branch manager). My face now hurts when touched and it is swollen. It will get better insha Allah.

I have what are called Coloured Bumps. I went for extraction (popping!) to get them out and yes they hurt!!!!!!! They can’t be seen face-to-face but it is disgusting under the sunlight. I can see it, therefore it disgusts me.

I’ve been told to use at least a Toner (I don’t use anything AT ALL since these stupid breakouts) so I’m trying to get back into the routine of only using this Herbal Care Lotion by Dr Schrammek they recommended. The Branch Manager is also trying to sell me some Moisture Intense Ampoule (because my skin according to everybody including my beautician is DRY) but it’s like RM300. Would anyone like to sponsor me a box of ampoules for my dry skin? ha ha ha.

BTW, I’ve stopped using all The Body Shop skincare products.

schrammek herbal care lotion

My face fresh after facial.

My face fresh after facial.

My Forehead DAY 1 Post Facial (ew but for documentary purpose).

My Forehead DAY 1 Post Facial (ew but for documentary purpose).

My Right Cheek DAY 1 Post Facial (sigh)

My Right Cheek DAY 1 Post Facial (sigh)

My Left Cheek DAY 1 Post Facial (double sigh)

My Left Cheek DAY 1 Post Facial (double sigh)

Take care and till next time.

Random String

I really like the word string.

Strings.

You pull strings to get what you want.

Strings are pulled to be worn.

People string ideas to make a cause.

We string something to extend.

But don’t string someone along.

Do everything with no strings attached.

Pahala?

Yesterday my father told me that there will be a cleaning up session at the local surau and he was deciding whether or not we should go.

I unknowingly blurted out “Why not? We’ll get pahala.”

My dad frowned at me. “You know there’s no such thing as Pahala.”

“Of course. I meant that it’s not a bad thing to do.”

I was surprised myself as to why I mentioned it. I’m sure you’d rarely see me mention “pahala” which is a “reward” for doing good. Yes, I mention about avoiding doing or nearing sins, but I think I don’t ever mention getting a reward for doing good things.

I think it’s ridiculous and child-like to expect something for doing good.

Yes, in Islam they do mention getting “rewards” for doing good and avoiding the bad.

That’s only on the surface.

The “system” of “rewards” was implemented as a form of encouragement, and to give hope that there will be something better in the afterlife. I’m not saying that there isn’t, but it’s funny we really are like children: hoping for something for doing something.

Funny, huh?

Which is why I quote my Sufi saint role model Rabiatul Adawiyah “I want to put out the fires of Hell, and burn down the rewards of Paradise.” People who are after the rewards of Paradise do so because they want the Paradise, not because they want Allah.

It’s like wanting to visit a beautiful country and saving up so much for it, and then enjoying it without getting to know the King who made the country flourish when you can. Waste, isn’t it?

Anyway it is known that even though you may enter ~Paradise~ later, not everybody can meet Allah.

Meh, I don’t believe that Allah is in ~Paradise~ anyway.

He’s inside each one of us, and it is up to us to find it.

Faces of Someone Who Sleeps Past Midnight

The past few months I have been diligent in sleeping early because I really like the feeling of waking up fresh.

Lately I don’t know what happened, I’ve been more tired and therefore napping in the afternoon, unable to sleep at night, wake up tired,….and the cycle continues. (Oh, I know. Cats.)

I look really terrible now. Also my face has gotten a lot worse. Random bumps on my cheeks, but my forehead is thankfully healing. It’s okay, I hope it’s just a phase.

An old friend told me that her face has now angry, red breakouts. She said she misses her flawless forehead too. And that before this picking on her pimples did nothing to her.

Apparently her other friends have the same problem as well. I quote her, “Being 21 is a total body change.”

Sad. So for my own records, I’m going to keep posting my face being 21 right now. This means I can’t wait to turn 22 then! (lol jk I don’t really care)

These are my faces in the morning, about to go out the past three days:

100% Bare, slept at 1.30 AM Face:

Muslimah No Makeup

Eyeliner, bits of makeup powder and lipstick, slept at 1 AM Face:

Shawlbyvsnow

Lip Conditioner and Baby Powder, slept at 12.30 AM Face:

Muslimah No Makeup

Lesson: Don’t sleep late. So means I should stop writing and get to bed.

I’m even thinking of rescheduling my Quran reading classes. Going to them in the morning means: Tired in the afternoon = Nap.

Anyway I don’t understand why people choose to sleep late as if they have no responsibilities?

I woke up late at 10 AM a couple nights back (because I had work past 1 AM too tired ok) and had to squeeze everything. The work I would’ve done at 7 AM had to be done at 10 AM, and 10.30 AM I had class so things I do at 9 AM had to be done later, and bah everything just gets postponed! I don’t get it why people choose to miss the sunset and getting work done for sleep-ins.

For a while I was kinda bummed David kept saying he’s so “not a morning person” and I’m glad the mission changed it!

Thank you for being another step closer to being my KOP lol.

Modesty Moves

Don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this but I really dislike how Muslimah “fashionistas” don’t dress modestly. Yes, they’re all covered from head to toe but the problem is they try to look HOT.

Nope, modest is not hottest.

(This post is intended for Hijabi Muslimahs)

You may wear full clothes, but to show your body shape and not covering your chest that one can clearly see your bosoms is no longer modest. The point about being “hot” is for you to be noticed, for guys to “sweat” thinking about you. You definitely want to look “hot” for someone. You may want to look good FOR yourself, but you want to look HOT for someone else.

Which is not the right intention for Muslimah hijabstas.

Modesty may mean being humble, kind, down-to-earth, and not specifically about whether you’re covered from head to toe or not.

Being fashionable is OK. You can be fashionable yet be modest.

An example: YouTuber Amenakin

It’s fashionable as in it’s not dull (I wouldn’t wear the blouse though), she’d stand out from the crowd and it’s modest in a way you can’t see what her body shape is; not in front, not at the back and it’s great!

I don’t really fancy that draped thingy at the back of the blouse but hey it’s a good idea so that her back body shape is not shown.

People, this is modesty.

amenakin modest

 

Then again, there’s no point of me just ranting about it, talking to myself on my blog. So I decided to create a new brand: Modesty Moves.

Modesty Moves means

Modesty WORKS,

Modesty is able to GET PEOPLE GOING,

Modesty CAN get people far,

Modesty IS fashionable,

Modesty can get you boys (you don’t have to dress to impress),

Modesty is a MOVEMENT.

Basically: Modesty Moves!

I do have all my fashion drawings, and folders of modest fashion inspirations all sorted out…..and then my brother decided to do something to the hard disk and all my clothing images scattered. When that happened, this OCD girl’s brain scattered too. I don’t even know where my drawing book is.

Also another thing that stops me from doing many many things that I want to do is: Money.

So this is what I did, I’m starting with Male T-Shirts, with instead of FASHION (to encourage women to cover up more), they’re simple Quran and Hadith reminders on the t-shirt.

Here’s a sneak peek:
Sal Walks Modesty Moves 1

Sal Walks Modesty Moves 2

and here’s one of my many designs:

SalWalks Modesty Faith

“Purity Is Half of Faith” is a Hadith, which means it was something said by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

I hope this works out! Insha Allah, Bismillahirrahmannirrahim.

Yes, SalWalks is my Personal Brand.

Finding Your Personal Brand

The words “Personal Brand” has popped up in my life a couple times now and it was yesterday when I realised it is something I should work on.

I don’t know what Personal Brand exactly means, but I think it’s along the lines of how others see you: what makes you unique, what is that THING about you, your reputation, a word or two that is spot-on about you.

If that’s so, I must have built my personal image/brand as “fangirl” – it’s probably the title that suits me best. I think it’s time to change that. If I live long enough I’ll be 22. “Fanlady” isn’t a fancy name. I still fangirl but I don’t want that to be my personal brand.

Why do I need to create a personal brand? It’s because I’m going to use this new word to describe myself now: an entrepreneur. I am a dreamer. I am an opportunist. I do not and will not depend on another person to give or provide me with anything I need. I look for my own resources. I create my own life.

So with that I will need to find the core, what represents myself.

According to WikiHow (I think?), these are the steps you need to create your own personal brand:

1) Have a website – I do have separate websites for work and personal
2) Be present and active on social media – Hm.
3) Get a unique business card – I have a cute business card. To me it is.
4) Get a great head short – I’m so unphotogenic, but we’ll work things out.
5) Put a lot of work into how you look – rolls eyes, #everyday #nomakeup
6) Get a good bio written – I’ll re-work on my bio

I’d like to expand this list to what I think we need to do to find your personal brand (online).

1) Don’t be afraid to talk about your passion.

Your passion makes your personal brand. I don’t have one definite passion, but there are many things I am passionate about. One of them being buying/supporting Cruelty-Free products. I’m happy to say that I have converted my family into buying cruelty-free products. It matters to me, so I talk to my family about it, and they agree.

In my eyes I still fail, though.When someone with me didn’t get what “Cruelty-Free” meant and thinks it’s just me being my choosy self. It’s not, I wanted to tell her that lives were put at risk in the process of making these makeup but I didn’t. I failed to make her understand what it is about. I’ll try again.

2) Be who you are offline and online: stay true to your personality.

I don’t get it. How can someone be so cheerful IRL but so depressed offline? There is an identity shift or confusion. Who you are should stay who you are wherever you are. KFC is not known for selling fish even though it does. KFC is known for selling CHICKEN. That is the brand, that is what people recognise KFC for. People are confused whether Pizza Hut sells pizza or pasta. They know Pizza Hut sells pasta, but they go for the pizza at the same time still forever wonder why they choose to sell pasta. Same goes with us, if we’re happy offline yet sad online, people are going to take that we’re happy and just trying to create an online persona because it’s “in” (like pasta). Unless you’re anonymous who is really edgy online – I think you’re probably a shy girl IRL. It’s okay that way if your both worlds don’t mix as in nobody knows your real identity.

Personal brand is yours for your one identity for your one whole world. If you have two worlds ie online and offline where your friends are totally separated then it’s okay. It’s kinda fun to play sorta that undercover character anyway.

3) Show your emotions.

If you’re sad, it’s okay to show us you’re sad. If you’re happy, it’s not selfish to show you’re happy. Your emotions make you, you. If you’re looking for an audience, they are 100% likely to connect with people who pour out their emotions in what they post. I’m always trying to show as less emotions as possible. I’m always afraid to offend people by my fiery soul. LOLJK it’s not that fiery. But I’ve noticed that the stuff I post with more emotions gets more comments than the ones when I’m being general. I’m going to be more emotional in my posts then.

-

I think those are the cores. Let me know if you have any to add.

I’d like to believe I do have my personal brand under control. So far, people are thinking of me what I want them to anyway: a fangirl. Because it helps to deter away potential………… never mind.

I’m going to be a fangirl who doesn’t just fans herself but a fangirl who gets things done!

Let’s just say I plan to take the term “Personal Brand” literally.

In 2001 my first site was actually something.something.com/SalamahafifiBMY – think I planned to own my own grocery store lol. When I was 7 I wanted to buy a Giant franchise. I tried again in 2007 when I had Salamahafifi.com, planned to make Salamahafifi shoes, a Salamahafifi Institute (LOL) but meh, Salamahafifi is a bit too mouthful. In 2011 I shortened it to SalWalks to initially blog about my walking  Sufism journey from teens-adulthood and to talk about the different grocery stores (I love them ok) but here we are now: scattered thoughts.

My obsession with shoes makes sense too, I think SalWalks could be a great potential brand.

Hmm, this means that for a long time I’ve always known what I wanted to do: create my personal brand.

Is this narcissism?

Stop Attacking Defenseless Fangirls

I wrote this mini rant on Facebook “Only Me” a couple weeks ago when I saw a shared post on my Facebook timeline saying that the picture below is “unacceptable”. Comments poured in saying that her intentions doesn’t make it right, why are girls liking these Korean stars so much, etc. With over 400 shares and 800 likes, 99% of them agree with the author.

In my attempt to start writing again, I shall bring it up: Why I’m the 1% who disagrees.

muslimah fangirl

First, let me explain why it is deemed “unacceptable” to the people who saw the picture and commented.

They are Muslims. The girl in pink hijab is obviously a Muslim too. In Islam, it is an absolute no-no to touch the opposite gender unrelated to you. Some still do it, but people are cross because this girl is representing Islam via her headwear. I think what causes the most aggravation is the fact that she wore a glove to dodge the rule where there is no direct contact involved hence it should be o-kay to high-five the cutie.

Fangirl Muslimahs are generally frowned upon because going gaga over a male “Idol” is not a good image at all. Doesn’t reflect Islam’s message of modesty in women. That, I respectfully understand. I understand that and I do my best to behave in concerts and not have any crazy tweets.

(Question: If I you really respect Islam you wouldn’t even go to concerts. Answer: We all have different time-wasting hobbies. One may like to smoke, another person likes to go fishing, etc. These are all equivalent in the way it “wastes” time and money. But one may brush it off saying “At least he still remembers to pray,” or “But he reads the Quran” – same thing with us. How could you judge me like that?)

As a Muslim fangirl, I have obviously thought of the same thing I want to do when I get to meet David or Jong Kook. The last couple of times I met David I did not even shake his hand due to my deeper understanding of Islamic messages and values, and also out of respect for the rules and Islam. However, I do not think it is wrong to shake his hand with gloves.

All Muslim women should know (if you don’t, now you do) that our Prophet has said that for a pole to be pierced through her head is better than to touch the opposite sex. Let me explain why he said that.

Mankind was created weak. I’ll take that literally. Being a woman I know that a man’s weakness is women. A woman’s smile could met their hearts, let alone a woman’s touch. A touch is one of the “advanced” source of temptation in men. I say “advanced” because in “advancing”, it’s just playing with the eyes and smiling at each other. To start by touching leads to other stuff. Skin-to-skin. Hence it’s forbidden. That’s why the rule was created.

Tell me what kind of temptation is aroused after a split second of a high-five with wool. Let me tell you, I know it’s just a split second. People see my pictures with David and think I get to spend lots of minutes with him when reality they’re seconds I could count with my fingers.

I also know that most respectful Muslimah fangirls don’t have a boyfriend and generally do not have close enough contact with men; perhaps these half-a-second meetings with celebrities are the closest she’s been with men. If she has guy friends, I’m sure she doesn’t even dream of high-fiving them. From my observation, if she has a boyfriend, she is less likely to fangirl.

As girls, unlike boys, I know we don’t ogle. We, respectful of our religion, don’t look at men and think about them sexually. I know that we don’t even think of the celebrities that way. We probably just like his hair or his smile – just personal preference. Nothing dirty, no bad thoughts or ill intentions.

Please don’t misunderstand and think that I think it’s okay for any Muslim boy and girl to touch as long as they’re wearing gloves. If there’s romance involved, it’s wrong. If it’s “just” friendship, it’s still wrong. We don’t know if one another have feelings or not.

My point is that high-fiving a celebrity with gloves is harmless because 1) The celebrity doesn’t care about us 2) The celebrity doesn’t care about us 3) The celebrity doesn’t care about us. Yes we are aware of this. Yes we know we are stupid to line up for hours just for them.

So what’s the problem here? Apparently even so, it’s wrong. It’s wrong to want to meet your favourite celebrity. It’s wrong for Muslimahs to support someone. All the more wear gloves and HA! High five him! She has astrayed from Islam, quick tug her back to shore! Even if you still didn’t forget your prayers in the midst of the the queue, even if you are still aware Allah is watching you,.. but you know He knows you best.

People just want to find something to hate, you see.

In my response to the men commenting stuff like “I don’t understand why these girls are crazy over these Korean stars. These guys don’t even think of them.” I think South Korean celebrities, male and females are better looking than local celebrities. Yeah I know they’re crazy about plastic surgery. It’s just a personal preferance. Don’t get too personal with it. Good luck winning the heart of the girl of your dreams who is crazy over Korean stars.

Meh, I’m sure the men attacking this innocent picture look at women too. When women cross their path they just can’t help but look at least once. Or twice. Whoops. Haram stuff. The real problem would then be men since they just have difficulty lowering their gaze.

Our fangirl problem can’t cause temptation, they cannot bring fitnah (defamation) because LOL what, we KNOW it’s not real. We know these men don’t even think about us. The thing about shaking hands with the opposite sex is that it may cause temptation, the root of adultery etc. If this is the problem in this picture, there is no problem.

A bigger problem I see in this Islamic country is the actors and actresses hugging and wearing revealing clothes on TV. I do not see this fangirl-in-gloves-high-five-for-I-know-not-even-one-second as a problem worthy to cause an uproar. But it did to me because I am a Muslimah fangirl and it’s sad we’re just downright misunderstood.

This post was written up to your own interpretation. I won’t tell you to mind your own business because it’s people who minded others businesses that makes the world a better place. Just, stop attacking defenseless Muslimah fangirls.

Meeting New People

Because I am ~so~ not social, I don’t ever bother trying to go out to meet new people. I’d like to think that I’ve seen and met enough of the kinds of people around the world to know anything that I needed to know about people.

No matter how different their lives may seem, no matter how cool we assume them to be, bottom line is everyone is looking for something.

And again I’ve lost my train of thoughts so bye.

Posted in All

Come Back

A few seconds ago I decided that I need to start writing again. I don’t know what’ll come out from my brain or heart after each word so it’s great like that. It’s like a practice for me to express my ideas or thoughts – everything.

I’m kinda bummed when I try to follow life according to what people want it to be ie make lots of money I just fail and fail and fail to. Maybe it’s because it’s something that has never motivated me in the first place therefore I can’t do it. I don’t want to deem as a failure in the eyes of society, all the more not in the eyes of my Creator.

It’s like I have forgotten what it is that I do best.

Last night I finally came to terms with myself that I am super stressed trying to prove to people that people like me “can” make it. I really don’t want to show that I have a nice car to make people shut up, but lately it seems like the thing I should do. But it’s not. Sadly, you do need money. However, I believe if I set my intentions right it will be right. Currently, my intentions are set to making people quiet. This is not right.

Anyway, THE main thing I want to do is to Learn and Teach the Quran. Maybe I’ll have a side income but I want to focus on The Quran. Currently I do have a few students at the same time I’m learning myself, which is what I really want to do. I may not be earning thousands to show that I have a nice car that comes with it but I’m happy.

But…

9 Things Women (I) Will Always Find Attractive In Men

I admit: I’m one of those who get intrigued by reading catchy titles and then feel disappointed after reading stuff like “What This Mom Did Was Unexpected” etc. After that I let myself again be disappointed by constantly clicking on them. Ha, make sure the link is right though. Don’t click on the virus-y links!

These days I haven’t clicked on any other articles other than cats, but somehow I felt like clicking a Thought Catalog article. I just wanted to see if there’s really anything new, you see? Who knows? New as in the ideas are actually fresh.

And then I realise that I don’t have fresh ideas either. So here’s mine, what I think is attractive in men. Of course, I didn’t write the stuff like he prays and reads Quran and stuff because I want to make this as general as possible. Let’s gooooooo:

1) Smells clean

I won’t say that I am a hygiene freak, but I do like HINTS of a fake masculine smell, not the real one which is the perspiration. Somehow I’m blessed with a good nose since my eyesight is 100% blurry. Also when talking to people I actually look at teeth. Keeping your teeth brush is a good idea. Another good idea is to eat a breath mint every now and then, if you’re conscious…….even if you’re not conscious please just keep a breath mint, use it before talking to a girl (or me). All of below without a clean smell is unattractive.

2) How good he is with children and pets,…and everyone

You want to see if he is the one for you? If you have a cat, bring him to your cat. Cats are like a boyfriend-radar. If your cat likes him, he’s a keeper. If not, the cat knows best. You want to see if he’d make a good father to your kids and to you? Observe how he interacts with kids. Usually it could be an over-exaggerated act because he’s around you, but meh, just learn to observe the unseen. Kids are a good good-looking people radar, jsyk. They are more attracted to physically attractive people, according to some science I read years back. Also observe how he is with old people especially with his parents. Keyword is ParentS. If he’s not in good terms with either one of them right now it’d be till forever. It’s a problem he has to fix.

3) Positive

I’d like my man positive. Support me, or give me constructive criticism. Don’t pull me down, don’t tell me I’m wrong, tell me what’s wrong instead. Sometimes a woman as strong as I am need reassurance too. Do you know of any woman who likes her man negative??? Well I don’t know how one can stand being around a short-tempered, always complaining man.

4) Humility

He needs to believe that he is not THE Man, he is not THE one who can “make me happy” and most importantly, he needs to realise that he is small. Not to the point of losing confidence, but not cocky either. Which means he shouldn’t take lots of selfies because LOTS OF THEM means you really really like your face. Be humble about it.

5) He listens. And responds.

Men could listen but have the words go out the other ear. Yo, I’m telling you because I want a response, an input. If I didn’t want an opinion I would’ve blogged about it. Form your own opinion about everything, don’t say I Don’t Know, and NEVER EVER say I Don’t Care.

5) He tells his friends about you.

Do tell your friends what it is that you see in me. Or else your friends wouldn’t know, and if you hide me in your pockets your friends are going to think I’m some uncool person, and only know me by my name or my tweets which is bad. Don’t tell them everything about me either. The basics is enough, tell them that I have 20 cats, I don’t believe in editing out my selfies or pictures to look good, I don’t believe in makeup,…….or just tell them how you feel like the luckiest person on Earth after meeting me (hahahahaha).

6) There’s something he’s passionate about

I don’t like boring people. There’s just something so so attractive about passionate people. Ask them about what they’re passionate about and really, when you do, LISTEN. It may be as boring as trying to stop people from buying cruelty products or as cool as trying to solve the mystery of MH370. As long as there’s passion and he tries to do something about it, he’s cool. ;)

7) Firm

Yes means Yes, No means No. Yes couldn’t mean No, No could sometimes mean Yes. If you don’t want to handle something just say it instead of doing it half-heartedly. My pillar of support needs to be firm on his own without me. This is why I’m still on my own, all the pillars I see are needy.

8) Sense of Humour

It’d be good if someone understands my humour. And have humour to accompany my humour as well. I’m sure all girls find Sense of Humour attractive, which is why we can have crushes on a boy and nobody knows why = it’s because he’s funny!

9) Knows What He Wants

Same as #6, Someone Who Knows What He Wants is attractive. Someone who is still unsure about what he wants in life but knows what he wants in girls is not someone we want. That’s bullshit. Plan yourself, plan your life, AND THEN plan the girl you want all these to be spent with. This also determines how successful he will be.

10) His Face

Duh, this being #10. The face factor should’ve been Number 1 but since I’m not Number 1 in looks either…..it’s in Number 10. But yes it’s still as important as Number 1 is :) We like good looking men, but at the same time we look at all the factor above too. Well, I do.